Mixed Emotions
by Kaira77
Summary: He fancied the pants off her. She hated his guts. Its got to be interesting, right? A few moments from James and Lily's lives together, from the beginning to the end. Please R&R :
1. Blurred Hatred

**Hey guys! my first attempt at a Harry Potter fic! Please R&R, constructive criticism welcome :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter - I am not JK Rowling!**

She stormed into the entrance hall, chuntering furiously under her breath. He just made her so angry! That stuck up, arrogant, conceited, hypocritical, egotistical…

The list continued in her head, the words steadily getting worse. How dare he pick on a defenceless bystander just for the fact 'he exists' as he put it.

She hated him, _hated _him, yet he was still supercilious enough to ask her out in front of practically the whole school when she was in the middle of heatedly scolding him. How could someone's head be that big!?

Lily eventually reached the entrance to Griffindor common room, unable to quite remember how she had got there; she was in such a rage.

'Password?' The Fat Lady asked querulously, Lily's bad moods always seemed to go with somebody getting badly scolded, or occasionally hexed, (Especially where James Potter was concerned), she had quite a formidable reputation for it.

'Acromantula venom' Spat Lily acidly.

The Fat Lady swung forward hurriedly and Lily clambered through the portrait hole.

What made things worse, thought Lily crossly as she stomped up the stairs, is that the boy she'd been trying to defend, her supposed 'friend' had turned on her.

Arrogant, stupid boys. They all deserved to be cursed into mulch.

She reached her dorm and threw herself onto her bed, and proceeded to punch the mattress and scream into her pillow.

Eventually, after a few minutes she began to calm down. She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, trying to put everything from her mind.

Well, she reasoned, its Sev's loss. If he didn't want to be her friend because she was muggle born it was his problem, not hers. And the whole school had already witnessed James asking her out a million times, it was old news – why should they care?

Plus, the marauders weren't really anything to do with her, if the rest of the school wanted to worship them as the epitome of cool, that was their own stupid decision.

But no matter how hard she tried, every time she thought of James, hot fury bubbled in her stomach like firewhisky, and this effect just made her angrier.

Why!? _Why_ did he have this effect on her? Sirius was every bit as arrogant and annoying as James (apart from he didn't relentlessly ask her out), and she never wanted to curse him into a million tiny pieces. In fact, she just treated him with diplomatic disdain, as she did everyone else who she wasn't particularly keen on. But James, he drove her to the brink of insanity with irritation, and no matter how hard she tried; she couldn't treat him with nonchalance.

Maybe it was because he was just _that_ annoying. Everything about him aggravated her. The way he was the Griffindor quidditch hero and thought he was practically royalty because of it, the way he _knew_ half the girls in the year fancied him and he milked it for all it was worth, the way he spent longer on his hair than Marlene McKinnon to get that stupid, messed up look.

She wished she could just ignore him, pretend he didn't exist. That way she'd save a lot of time and breath ranting about him to her friends, or else thinking maliciously about ways she could deflate his giant head.

She heard someone coming up the stairs, and Alice Prewett, her best friend, entered the dorm. She sighed as she caught sight of Lily.

'Oh Lil, you've had _another_ fight with James? It really is getting silly you know.'

Lily stared at her in awe. She really did know her too well.

'How did you know that!?'

Alice rolled her eyes.

'Oh come on Lil, you only go that shade of red when you have a run in with Potter.' She sat on the bed and asked, in a slightly bored voice,

'What happened this time?'

'He was bullying Sev.'

'From what I hear, Sev deserved it; Marly said he called you a mudblood in front of everyone!'

'That's a different issue! It was before that!'

Alice sighed again.

'Look, can't you just let this whole thing with James go? Just stay out of his way!' She implored with exasperation.

'I can't believe you're turning this around on me! I can't help it – he gets me so mad!'

Lily stood up huffily and headed towards the door. She turned around at the top of the staircase and glared at Alice, adding with defiance,

'I HATE him!'

She turned on her heel and began to storm down the stairs.

Alice called back to her.

'When are you going to realise that the reason you hate him so much is because you don't hate him at all?'

'SHUT UP!' Lily yelled.

She began to storm off to the great hall. How could Alice say that to her!? She didn't have the right. She didn't need people to tell her things like that.

Because, deep down, she already knew.


	2. The Great Head Deflate

**Hey again!**

**Well thanks to MsDateman , Knight 03 and leannejoy89, I was given the idea to continue this oneshot! So I've decided to turn it into various moments from Lily and James's lives, from various timepoints. Thanks sooo much to all of you who have reviewed, I get so excited when I get that e mail! **

**This short story is my take on what it would be like from James' point of view after the 'Snivellus' incident. Please R&R, you guys keep me going!**

**Oh, and in case you haven't realised, the first bit of dialogue is from OOTP, Chapter 'Snape's Worst Memory'**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter, blablabla etc.**

_'What is it with her?' said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him. _

_'Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate,' said Sirius. _

_'Right,' said James, who looked furious now, 'right -' _

_There was another flash of light, and Snape was once again hanging upside-down in the air. _

_'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?' _

'Er, Prongs…' Interrupted Remus.

'Or I could try that curse we found that makes you lose bladder control…'

'Prongs!'

'Perhaps I should just leave him in a tree in the middle of the forbidden forest?'

'POTTER!'

James jumped and turned quickly. Professor McGonagall was standing behind him, nostrils flaring and hands on her hips. She looked livid.

'Detention tonight! And twenty points from Gryffindor! I am ashamed of you!'

'Aww Professor, it was only a joke!' Said James meekly – with an attempt at a winning smile.

'Put him down, NOW!'

James let Snape down and stood up before McGonagall. She shook her head angrily.

'When are you going to grow up?! I expect you at my office at eight o'clock. And don't you _dare_ be late!'

She turned and walked off, muttering about immature students.

James groaned loudly. This was not turning out to be a good day. He'd fought with Lily again, got detention, and lost his only means of therapy, annoying Snape. Life was so unfair.

* * *

A few hours later James trudged grudgingly towards McGonagall's office. He passed a group of fourth year Hufflepuff girls on the way and flashed them a smile. They giggled and nudged each other fairly unsubtly. He smirked. Girls were so easy to predict. Well, most of them were_._

He reached the office, frowning with frustration. _What _was her problem!?

He pushed open the door and McGonagall greeted him sternly.

'Evening Potter, you will be unsticking gum from the undersides of desks in the transfiguration department _without magic._'

James looked at her, slightly disappointed at her lack of imagination. Seriously, that was nothing. They were clearly running out of ideas.

'Well, give me your wand Potter, and off you go. I will be round there at ten to return it to you and I expect all those desks to be drooble free.' She nodded her head slightly, and James wandered off.

He arrived in the transfiguration department and entered the first classroom. He then took Sirius' wand out of his sock, pointed it towards the bin and yelled 'Waddiwasi!'

All the wads of chewing gum from under the desks proceeded to fly into the bin, and then he shouted 'Evanesco!'. The gum vanished. He repeated this in each of the classrooms and was finished in ten minutes. He smiled with satisfaction and sat casually on one of the desks, wondering how he could kill the remainder of the two hours.

His mind drifted back to Lily. He just didn't get it! Was it some sick twist of fate that the one girl he wanted hated his guts, when he could have any other girl in the year?

He kicked a chair in frustration. He had tried to get over it, maybe it was the whole 'wanting what you can't have' scenario or something, but he just couldn't get that moody, temperamental teenager off his mind.

It was horrifically ironic that most girls would go out of their way to have a conversation with him, yet every time Lily saw him, she regarded him like something that had crawled out from under a stone.

'Prongs! Prongs!' Hissed a voice from his pocket.

He withdrew a mirror from his pocket and saw Sirius' face grinning at him.

'Hey Padfoot, cheers for the wand! Turns out they gave me another 'without magic' task.' James rolled his eyes.

'I take it from the volume you're talking that McGonagall isn't around?'

'Nah, she left me to it. She's probably getting sick of spending half of her evenings with me.'

Sirius smirked.

'I dunno, I think she enjoys my detentions. She's definitely got a crush on me.'

James laughed.

'So, Prongs, how're you feeling after fight number twenty three?'

James looked at him, slightly shocked.

'You're keeping count!?'

Sirius sniggered.

'Well not me personally, but the rest of the year are. That's your running total for this year. There are actually bets going on how many you'll be at by the end of term. I've bet a galleon on twenty seven.'

But then his expression changed to one much more serious.

'So, how are you?'

James sighed angrily.

'She's just a stupid girl, Padfoot, I'm fine.'

'That's what you've said every time you've fought. If she's so stupid, why don't you just let it go? There are plenty of other girls you could have.'

James groaned. He'd lost count of how many times he'd had this discussion with Sirius, and he never could think of anything to say to that comment.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

'Ok, mate, I'm sorry but someone has to talk some sense into you. Everyone knows you've fancied the pants off her for the past four years. She yells, you ask her out, she storms off… it's getting a bit old.'

James opened his mouth to protest angrily, but Sirius overrode him.

'Look mate, my suggestion is – and this may be a wild idea – if you fancy her that much maybe you should actually _try_.'

James looked at him in confusion.

'What?'

'Well, you've never had to try before, me neither really; girls just tend to fall all over us…' He smiled smugly, 'But maybe you should try it the hard way and do what the mortals do. If she doesn't like your big head, shrink it a bit, stop showing off, quit asking her out and – however much it pains me to say this - leave Snivelly alone.'

James looked shocked at the very idea.

'And that's supposed to _help_ me?'

'Well, put it this way, you've got nothing to lose. Maybe you just need to try a different tact.'

James shook his head and looked at Sirius.

'Merlin, I must have reached my last resort if I'm thinking about not hexing Snape.'

'You must really like her, Prongs, mate.'

'Yeah…' James admitted quietly.

'I personally think you're completely mad.' Stated Sirius, breaking the tense atmosphere.

'Well, better be off – Susan said she'd help me… er… 'study' tonight and I don't want to be late.' Sirius winked at James and began to leave the frame.

'Wasn't it Ella yesterday?' Laughed James.

'Dunno mate, I lose track. See you in an hour!'

James was left to contemplate the discussion, and decided that starting tomorrow; he was going to be the most modest boy in school.


	3. Of Soggy Cornflakes and Nice Smiles

****

Hey!

**This third chapter is set about 5 months after the first two. I estimated this would take them to Christmas time in sixth year. It's just about how I think Lily would be feeling at this point… **

**I'm not particularly pleased with this one, it's too short and there's something I can't put my finger on, but I'll try to make other chapters better.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter etc.**

Lily was confused. Very confused. She didn't think she'd ever been so unsure of a situation in her life. Everything she had known over the past four years had changed seemingly instantaneously since the famous fight by the lake.

She didn't understand it. What was wrong with the world? Something was definitely off…

Lily sat stirring soggy cornflakes in the bottom of her bowl. It was breakfast time, but she really didn't feel like eating anything. Peering up the Gryffindor table, she caught sight of the marauders. Sirius was chatting animatedly to a girl next to him, who was giggling loudly. Peter was frantically going over some homework he'd done last minute and Remus was reading the newspaper. That was all the same as it had ever been.

But James… Something was drastically different - and it was unsettling. He was not flirting outrageously with some nearby fifth year, nor was he checking his reflection in the back of a spoon, he was also not professing loudly about how pretty Lily looked when she was mad to anyone who would listen.

He was, in fact, helping Peter with his homework.

This was just one of the many freakily un-James-ish incidents. She remembered the match against Slytherin the other week when he had sincerely complimented Regulus, the Slytherin seeker, on a good game. And there was the time when Sarah (a seventh year with a reputation for being… well… easy) had asked him out and he had said no. Plus, the amount of detentions he had been receiving had more than halved.

But most unsettling of all was he had stopped pursuing her. There was no shocking flirting, no embarrassing compliments, and no begging to be her boyfriend. He would now regard her with civil politeness whenever they saw each other.

It was funny that a year ago she would have begged for this kind of treatment, and now she couldn't stand it. She actually _missed_ his interest. Did that make her a pathetic attention seeker?

Lily also now had no reason to yell at him. And _Merlin,_ did she want to yell at him. She wanted to release some of this pent up tension she felt towards him that she couldn't quite interpret, _or didn't want to interpret._

Was it possible to be angry at someone with no reason to be angry? She seemed to be proving it was, and she didn't like the fact that she didn't know what was going on.

Her friends began to get up to go to charms. She followed suit, only half aware of what she was doing. James stood up too, and looked in her direction. She caught his eye for a second and felt a sensation like missing a step going down stairs in her stomach; she felt her heart racing and accidentally knocked over her cornflakes. They spilled all over her robes, and this reaction did not help with her confusion.

James had already looked away, and she felt a stab of annoyance. How _could_ he ignore her like this? Stupid, stuck up, bullying…

But all the words she used to use didn't apply anymore. Now James was helpful, kind and clever. He was still hilarious too, but not in an obnoxious way, so she often found herself laughing at him when before she had frowned disapprovingly.

She looked down at her sodden, cornflakey robes. Great, she looked like she'd thrown up on herself. _God, I hope he didn't see that_

She quickly cleaned herself up with her wand, and left the great hall feeling rather flustered.

Her class began to wander slowly to their lessons, and she found herself next to James in the small group of students.

This realization made her feel all funny again and she somehow managed to trip over her own feet, and bump into him heavily, she had to grab onto his shoulders to stop herself falling over. Lily slowly looked up at his face, her face on fire, he was laughing quietly.

'Woah, Evans! Be careful! You're worse than Peter when he's had a couple of drinks.'

Lily laughed, then immediately stopped herself. James set her upright and carried on walking.

She watched him leave, reliving his wide smile, his brown eyes, his laugh. She watched the way he walked, noticed the way his hair stuck up at the back, and felt herself smiling a little.

Lily realized what she was doing and came to a sudden halt in the middle of the corridor, shock hitting her harder than a rampaging hippogriff.

Oh, Merlin. After four years of continual exasperation, she had a _major_ crush on James Potter, and ironically, he had forgotten she existed.

* * *

James reached the charms classroom, grinning widely. The other marauders arrived shortly afterwards.

'What's got you in such a good mood?' Asked Sirius mischievously.

'Ah Padfoot mate, it seems she's finally seen the light.'


	4. Almost There

**Hey again! I'm having so much fun writing this story! This is ironic as I was always more of a Harry/Ginny or Ron/Hermione person, but I just love the way I imagine these two to interact, and I think they are winning as a couple now. **

**This fic is set on the train home from sixth year, and is from James point of view. Please R&R.**

James gulped. His throat was dry and he was sweating. How attractive.

'Just do it, would you? You two have been dancing around each other all year. No offence but I'm getting bored of it.' Sirius said with irritation.

'But… but what if she says no?' Whispered James.

Remus and Peter looked at each other in shock, James, scared of a girl rejecting him?

'Well she's already turned you down dozens of times; I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now.' Replied Sirius, who was now reading 'Wiley Witches' magazine and was supremely uninterested.

James glared at Sirius, he was not helping.

Sirius seemed to sense his glower of death and moaned.

'Look, I've tried to be the 'supportive friend' and all, but there's only so much I can take, and if I have to watch much more of you two blushing and dropping things whenever you see each other, I swear, my head is going to explode.'

James gazed out of the window and watched the scenery flashing by. There was only forty five minutes left of the journey. If he was going to do it, he'd better do it soon.

It had been fine when he had known she was going to say no, in fact it had become something he did partly to annoy her, but now, when there was the actual possibility she would say yes… it made it so much more nerve wracking, because if she said no – he knew that he would never stand a chance.

The day she had started acting differently towards him, he had begun to find it a lot harder to be cool around her. He became clumsier, sweatier and found it hard to string together a normal sentence.

It had horrified him. He didn't understand it, nothing like this had ever happened to him before. If he wanted a girl, he'd ask them straight out, and if they said no… fair enough, there were plenty more fish in the sea.

But he didn't _want_ another fish. He wanted a certain red haired, green eyed, pale skinned fish… girl even. Merlin he wasn't even thinking straight. This was supposed to happen to boys like Wormtail, not him.

Sirius looked up wearily from his magazine.

'Are you still here? Just get it over with and stop being a wuss.'

James shot daggers at him again and stood up shakily. He moved towards the compartment door and stumbled. Sirius snickered.

'You better shut up if you don't want to spend summer with the charming Bellatrix.' Muttered James. Sirius stopped laughing and scowled.

James walked unsteadily down the corridor and peered in each compartment in search of Lily, eventually he saw her, in a compartment full of giggling girls. _Typical._

Stupidly, he hadn't anticipated this. He couldn't do this in front of people! But if he asked her to talk privately, they'd all know what he was doing anyway, and make the situation unbearable with those knowing giggles that girls all seem to do.

He considered turning back, but knew that if he returned Sirius would most likely grab him by the ear and _make_ him ask her out, that would just be awkward. Great, what a pickle.

_What a pickle?_ He was using expressions in his head that should only be used by old women; he could not be trusted to open his mouth. He rested against the compartment wall, making sure he was clear of the glass pane, and pondered his dilemma.

His ponderings came to no amazing conclusions, and he just ended up more confused than he was before. Maybe he should just hide in a bathroom for the remainder of the journey?

But then he heard Lily's voice, and all logical thought disappeared as his brain turned to mush.

'I'm going to the food trolley, does anyone want anything?'

Oh no, she would see him as soon as she opened the compartment door, and as the various girls shouted their orders, he tried to will his legs to move, but somebody seemed to have put a permanent sticking charm on them without him realising.

Lily opened the door and turned into him, her head bumping into his chest.

'Ow… Sorry, but that really is a silly place to….'

She realised it was him and blushed furiously and he felt his own face heat up. _Oh wonderful._

'J..James'

'Eva… Lily'

'Hi…'

'Hey…'

Merlin this was going badly. They just stood there stock still, staring at each other fearfully. James ran a hand through his hair uneasily.

'Nice day…'

The weather? _He was talking about the weather!?_

'Erm yes it is… good for summer holidays.'

'Yeah. You doing anything?'

'Not much. You?'

'Nothing really. Do you want to do anything?' _With me, you need to say 'with me' you idiot!_

James wanted to whack his head against the wall. Lily just looked confused.

'Yeah I… suppose? I'll probably end up doing stuff.'

'Neat.' _Neat? _Apart from being an overly American word that was only used in cheesy sitcoms, no one had used that word in conversation since the fifties. He may as well say 'groovy' and kill this extremely painful conversation once and for all.

Lily smiled awkwardly, and James returned it with a lop-sided half grin that felt more like a grimace, and felt his forehead sweating. He had never felt more stupid in his life.

'So er Lily… would you…. Would you like to… Er…' He looked nervously at his watch. Twenty minutes.

James mumbled at his feet, it was an odd mixture of asking her out, apologising for being an idiot and excusing himself, and therefore made absolutely no sense.

Lily looked at him, her beautiful green eyes narrowed and her head cocked with confusion.

'Sorry?' She asked.

'Would you like to… to… to write to me during the summer?' Ok, not quite what he was going for but at least it made sense and didn't make him want to kill himself.

Lily smiled a little sadly, she looked a bit disappointed.

'Yeah that would be great.'

He wrote his address on a scrap of parchment and handed it to her, at least he might get another chance to ask her out over the summer, because it definitely was not going to happen right now.

'Thanks' she said quietly. James attempted to get back some of his old bravado.

'Well, Evans, it's been a great term, I'll see you in September when you'll no doubt be Head Girl! So, goodbye for now, flower!'

He held out his hand, she looked at him a little oddly before shaking it slowly. She quickly let go and began to wander off.

'Bye, James!'

James sighed with relief and embarrassment and walked back to his compartment.

Sirius eyed him as he entered.

'So, how did it go?'

James put his head in his hands. He had almost knocked her over, talked about the weather, used the word _neat_ and called her 'flower', and just to make things worse, Sirius, being the observant good friend that he was, pointed out –

'You did know when you left that you had pit stains, right?'


	5. The Letters

**Hey! I was planning to do this chapter befo****re, but decided against it as being the impatient person that I am, and I just wanted to get Lily and James together! However I thought I'd add it in after a suggestion from pippapear, so enjoy, and R&R!**

Lily sat in her room, staring blankly out of the window. She had been here now, sat at her desk, for at least an hour. Petunia had already been in twice to ask why she was being so quiet, not out of concern, just because she had a bad tendency for being overly inquisitive.

A noise from somewhere downstairs broke into her daydream, one involving her and James walking along a beach at sunset… _How cliché_, she thought, slightly angry at herself as she came to her senses.

She sucked the tip of her quill, and tried again to start the letter she had intended to start who knows how many days ago. At least she'd got somewhere today, she'd written the address on an envelope. Brilliant. She could write an 'Outstanding' charms essay in an hour, but give her a letter to James Potter to do and she suddenly became illiterate.

Lily clenched her teeth resolutely and attempted to pull herself together. She touched the tip of her quill to the paper and wrote _Dear James._

Should she write 'Dear'? Or should it just be 'To'? Would it be obvious she liked him if she put 'Dear'? But didn't she want it to be obvious? Would it be like 'just friends' if she put 'To'? Oh excellent, she had written two words, and already had a million nonsensical confusing questions ricocheting off the inside of her skull.

She shook her head, annoyed at herself. _Come on, Lily, everyone puts 'Dear' on letters, just leave it, he probably wont even notice._ She progressed to the next sentence, which proved to be much harder.

The nib of her quill hovered over the parchment, and she spent a good few minutes deciding on the next sentence, and in the end resorted to the old classics, '_How are you?' _and _'Isn't the weather good?'_ She sighed. Would they ever talk about anything more exciting than the weather?

Another agonizing, confusing hour passed and she had finally finished the letter, overanalysing every single line to make sure it wasn't too friendly, but wasn't overly distant either. The result had been to cause a sickening merriment to the letter that made it seem a bit fake, but it wasn't going to get any better. She pulled an unsatisfied face and gave it to her Eagle Owl, who had been hopping about impatiently all day, waiting to deliver it.

She watched the owl leave, wondering if the way she had finished the letter was ok. She hadn't put '_love Lily'_, as her brain had gone haywire with confusion when she'd thought about it, but she had put '_from Lily' _with a kiss, she hoped that was an appropriate mix of casualness with perhaps a bit of something more.

* * *

_Dear James,_

_How are you? Having a good summer? Isn't the weather good!?_

_I haven't really done much yet, although I'm off to Spain next week with my family, which I'm looking forward to! Are you doing anything interesting? I bet you and Sirius are wreaking havoc as usual! _

_I am enjoying the holidays, but I do miss Hogwarts when I'm away, it's a strange transition moving back into the muggle world when I rely on magic for the rest of the year. I especially miss the treacle tart, that's my favourite Hogwarts pudding! _

_By the way, I've never asked, what are you planning to do after Hogwarts?_

_See you in September!_

_From Lily_

_X_

James read the letter, smiling a little, was it really necessary to use so many exclamation marks? And how could she write a letter and say absolutely nothing? He smirked, feeling he wasn't the only one who felt stupid now, and grabbed a piece of parchment to write a reply.

_Dear Lils,_

He scrunched up that piece of parchment and threw it away. _Too personal._

_Dear Evans,_

What was he thinking! _Evans?_ Way too impersonal. He scrunched up the second piece.

_Dear Lily,_

Great, good start.

He then spent the rest of the afternoon trying to write a reply, and eventually began to sympathise with the girl, as he found he himself had done exactly the same as her. Why was it so hard to write to her? A long time and multiple scrumpled pieces of parchment later he sighed with irritation and read his letter through again, trying to make small changes to make it less false. It didn't work very well, but by this point he had given up.

_Dear Lily._

_I am fine, really enjoying the sun! Holidays so far have been great, Sirius and I have been flying a lot due to the good weather, and we would never wreak havoc! How are you? _

_Spain, that sounds like fun, although it must be a bit annoying not being able to use magic! I do miss Hogwarts too, although I'm not as isolated from the wizarding world as you are, it must be worse for you. My personal favourite pudding is apple crumble, with custard of course!_

_I want to be an Auror after Hogwarts, if I get the NEWT's! How about you?_

_From James_

_X_

He ended the letter the same way as her, being open but guarded with and enigmatic ending as she was, signing a letter like that could mean anything you wanted it to mean really. A friend, more than a friend, who knows. He sent it with a slightly frustrated feeling, knowing that he too had actually said absolutely nothing.


	6. Headyness

**Hey again! This chapter is set on the first day of Hogwarts during Lily and James' seventh year. I've tried to coincide this with the books, as according to them Lily and James started going out in seventh year and were head boy and girl together, but let me know if anything's wrong! Please please pleeeaasee if you've read this far, you obviously don't think I'm an unbearable writer – so click on that little purplish blue review button… the one that says 'go'**** in the bottom corner, yep that one! Please R&R and make me smile :)**

Lily entered the Head Boy & Girl's common room and slumped on the couch with an exasperated sigh. There were so many emotions rushing through her that her head couldn't make sense of them all.

All in all, she'd had a good summer, she and James _had_ written to each other after all, which was a start, but all the letters just seemed falsely cheery, like postcards from a relative in a tropical resort.

She supposed it's because they left whatever this thing was between them on such uncomfortable terms, and that couldn't quite be rectified in letters, _I mean,_ she thought, _what was he supposed to say?_

_Dear Lily,_

_Sorry for acting like such a prat, I was just a bit nervous. So do you want to go out with me? _

_Love James_

_P.S. I don't usually sweat that much_

She laughed slightly at the thought, but she supposed she was as much to blame as he was, for the same reason. What could she say about it?

_Dear James, _

_I realize now that you were trying to ask me out and if you'd asked I would have said yes, because I fancy you so much I've taken to writing LE 4 JP on scraps of parchment like I did when I was thirteen, in a heart, with an arrow through it._

_Love Lily_

She cringed slightly. The worst part was it was true, and it had lead to embarrassing questions from her overly nosy sister, who didn't even need to be that nosy to find evidence of the all consuming crush she was harboring for James.

She was also extremely excited, yet dreading, sharing a dorm with him, as ironically enough, he had been made head boy. She assumed his good behaviour had not gone unnoticed by others as well as her.

Admittedly Lily had already seen him today, they had had to attend the prefects meeting on the Hogwarts Express, but there had been a group of them and they hadn't had a chance to talk on their own yet.

Right on cue, a noise interrupted her thoughts. She heard the door open and James walked in. _Speak of the devil_ she thought wryly as she felt that familiar swooping feeling in her stomach.

'Hey, Lily…' He said casually. He seemed oddly relaxed, which she supposed was a good thing as she certainly wasn't.

'Hi.'

There was a few moments of silence, although it wasn't uncomfortable, it was more like they were figuring each other out rather than desperately thinking of something to say. Lily smiled, maybe the awkward phase had finally passed, or maybe she should _make sure_ it passed.

OK, she thought bracingly, here goes…

'James, I like you'

'Lily, will you be my girlfriend?'

They had both started talking at exactly the same time, and both stopped quickly when they realised what had happened, looking a little shocked, it was like something out of a bad muggle film.

They stared at each other for a few more seconds, and then both burst out laughing. The situation suddenly seemed hilariously amusing to Lily. She laughed until it hurt, until she couldn't breathe, and saw that James had had to lean on the wall for support.

'Seriously,' she said, between taking steadying gasps of air, 'How long did that take us?'

'I don't know!' Chortled James, 'But I think Sirius is keeping count, he's been pestering me to do it for months!'

'Merlin, why did we make such a big deal over this?' Lily giggled, 'That was it?'

'Yep, Lils, after over five years of build up to this moment, that was it.'

After a few more minutes of laughing at their own stupidity, James finally calmed down enough to ask:

'So, now that I've _finally_ done it, what do you say?'

Lily broke into a wide grin.

'I say yes, you idiot! Did you really have to ask?'

James was smiling so wide that she thought it had to be hurting his cheeks. He marched resolutely over to her, swept her off her feet _literally_ and kissed her with such exuberance that she uttered a small 'mmf!' of surprise before letting the feeling overtake her.

It was _amazing._ Better than she could have ever imagined. It was a kiss of such pure happiness that she actually had to try and stop her lips from smiling so that she could actually kiss him. The relief, the excitement, the humour and the affection that they were both putting into it caused a heady bliss so intense that it eventually began to give her a head rush.

After what may have been seconds or hours he pulled away, with a wide ecstatic grin on his face that made him look rather goofy. She giggled.

'I have wanted to do that for half a decade,' he said breathlessly.

Lily rolled her eyes.

'I know.'

'You and the rest of the world!' he laughed

'Well, they'll all be delighted to know it's finally happened then.'

'I don't know,' said James in mock concern, 'Maybe we shouldn't make this public yet, I don't want to disappoint my fan girls.'

Lily swiped him around the head, playfully.

'Shut up, Potter.'

'Make me, Evans'

'You asked for it.' She said quietly, and began to kiss him again.

**Remember, click that button! :)**


	7. Commitment Issues

**Hey guys! Took me a while to decide what this chapter should be about, but i got there in the end! It turned out to be surprisingly hard to do, as this kind of thing always seems to end up cheesy, but i tried my best! Sorry if your overpowered by the cheddary smell, please R&R :) Love you all!**

Lily was angry. No, in fact Lily was absolutely _furious_. What, in the name of Merlin's oldest, smelliest underpants was that boy's problem? When he got back here, he was going to get a lot more than he bargained for.

She was sitting in the middle of the common room, fuming over her boyfriend. There were many issues she needed to discuss with the boy, and he better have some bloody good answers or he would be sent to the hospital wing in pieces.

_Why,_ after five monstrously annoying years of chasing her, followed by five amazing months as a couple, was he being such an idiot?

She reeled the list of offences off in her head, just so she'd remember them all when she needed to yell a bit. He had ignored and avoided her for two weeks, he had flirted outrageously with her _best friend_ no less, he had somehow managed to mysteriously disappear whenever she sought him out to shout at him (she was beginning to think that he had a mysterious secret about his ability to be so illusive – it was definitely more than coincidence) and to top it all off, for her birthday he had bought her a bag of jelly slugs, which, apart from being her least favourite Honeyduke's sweets, only cost seven knuts a kilogram.

She wasn't a superficial or materialistic person, but getting a person you supposedly know and care about a present that requires exceedingly little thought or effort was not her idea of something that should be done by a supposedly attentive boyfriend.

She didn't want to break up with him, but when the anger subsided and she actually thought about why he was acting the way he was, she decided he must want to break up with her. She couldn't deal with that, so the anger was really a defence mechanism, if she was honest with herself.

She sat there grinding her teeth in frustration and rage, but knew it was all masking something far more painful.

* * *

James was in the grounds, lounging on the Quidditch pitch with Remus and Peter while Sirius was trying out James' broom. Remus was trying to forcefully talk some sense into him and give him advice, but James wasn't taking it kindly.

'James… What the _hell_ do you think your doing?'

'I'm currently bewitching the pinecones from that tree over there to follow Sirius around and hit him on the head.' Said James casually.

Remus frowned. 'That's not what I meant.'

'Then what do you mean?' James asked in a bored voice.

'I mean, shouldn't you be with Lily? I haven't seen you together for days, and I don't think that getting her incredibly angry is such a good idea.'

'Well, maybe I'm fed up of it.'

Remus laughed sarcastically.

'That's a load of crap.'

James turned and looked at him, slightly angrily.

'What do you know about it, Moony?' He retorted.

'I know a lot more than you think! I mean, come on, Prongs, you're obsessed with her for five years and then you suddenly can't be bothered anymore? You must be delusional if you don't know what's really going on'

'Well, you know me, I like the chase.' James said with an attempt at audacity.

Remus sneered uncharacteristically.

'Then why did you change so much in order to get her? Why were you so scared to ask her out? You want to know the real reason you're avoiding her? I think you're scared. You're trying to sabotage you're chances with her so that you decide the terms of the break up, because you couldn't bear it if she dumped you for a genuine reason.'

James looked at him for a few seconds, and then burst out laughing.

'Oh yeah, yeah, whatever you say Mr Psychology! Come on Moony, I'm just bored, that's all.'

James began to walk off, still chuckling, but it appeared Remus wasn't going to let him get off that easily.

'And to think the sorting hat put you in Gryffindor. You're a coward.'

James tried to act as though Remus was being ridiculous. However, deep down he knew he was right. Lily had rejected him for five years, what was stopping her from doing it again now? Why had she agreed to go out with him in the first place after such a long period of hatred? If he was really blunt about it, she enthralled, amazed and terrified him, and he cared about her so strongly he wasn't sure how to deal with it; he had never been one for commitment.

He began to walk towards his and Lily's common room, not quite sure what he was going to do when he got there, or whether he would actually survive long enough to actually do _anything._ He muttered the password and the portrait swung forward to reveal the door. His heart was beating in his throat…

* * *

Lily heard the door open and hurriedly stood up, taking a deep breath to ready herself.

'Lily…'

'Don't you _dare_ 'Lily' me, Potter! What is _wrong_ with you?! Why are you treating me like Crap?!' Lily thundered, her face red with vehemence.

'I…'

'I'm not finished! Shut up! I can't _believe_ you! You haven't changed at all, have you? You're still the same arrogant toe rag with fewer manners than the giant squid! I can't believe I was stupid to have been drawn in by this clever ruse that you and Black have clearly thought up! Did you make a bet to see how long we could last? Maybe it was a case of 'get what you want and leave' and you found I wasn't slutty enough?'

'No, Lils…'

'Right, well if it wasn't any of that, I'd really like to hear an explanation before I end this stupid charade and try out the curse of the bogies on you.' Said Lily, quiet fury in her voice.

She waited, staring at his face, which was betraying no emotion, and tried not to give in to the overpowering urge to cry which was pricking the corners of her eyes while attempting to maintain an exceedingly angry expression.

'I love you'

* * *

James heard himself say the words, and wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but knew instantly it was true. He hadn't realised before what the thing he was feeling was; only that it was worryingly strong, but the realisation had hit him hard when he saw her yelling like that, and he couldn't help it.

He blinked, hardly able to believe he had said the three word phrase that was only said on wedding days and in cheesy romance novels. The feeling he and Sirius had mocked people for having, thinking it was for besotted losers. The thing that all the songs he hated and gagged at were about, and he was suddenly in it!?

Lily was staring at him; her face had changed from red to white.

'If this is your idea of a joke…' She sounded as if she was trying to be angry, but she wasn't doing so well anymore.

'No, I really do.' He said shakily, 'I'm sorry about how I've been treating you, Lils, I was a prat.'

'So, you're trying to say you were a complete arse because you love me?' Said Lily in confusion.

'Er… yes.'

She smiled weakly. James thought he saw a tear escape… maybe.

'That doesn't make up for it, though.' She whispered.

'I know. I'm sorry.' James walked over nervously and hugged her, she buried her head it his shoulder. He took this to be a good sign as he stroked her hair.

They stayed like that for a while, neither speaking, until eventually Lily gave a large sniff and said she needed to go to bed. He watched her head towards the stairs with and odd feeling, a mixture of heart breaking and healing at the same time. She turned around at the bottom of the stairs and said quietly,

'I do, too'

'Well, who wouldn't?' replied James, grinning.

Lily rolled her eyes. 'Maybe I'll see if the giant squid is still available.'


	8. Clouds

**Hey guys! Experienced writers block on this one! But thought it needed to be done before I could progress, as it's kind of a key moment!**

It was the last day of term and it was hot. NEWT's were over and Lily wanted to do nothing more than to lay here in the sun next to the lake, and never think about protean charms again.

She closed her eyes and felt the sun warming her face; she was immensely content with life. True, not everything was perfect, they were in the middle of a terrifying time and Voldemort had horrifying power. Disappearances and deaths were common place, and fear reigned, but she always had a reason to keep smiling

The reason arrived and lay down next to her on the grass. She smiled a little as she felt his presence next to her and he took hold of her hand that was splayed across the grass.

They lay there quietly in thoughtful silence for at least half an hour. Lily stared at the clouds as they lazily drifted by and tried to make out shapes, smiling as James ran his thumb back and forth over the back of her hand.

Lily broke the silence by pointing at the sky and saying,

'A snitch…'

James smirked.

'Excuse me, Evans, but I'm the seeker. You trying to nick my job?'

Lily sighed in mock annoyance.

'I meant that cloud. It looks like a snitch.'

'Oh yeah…' Said James. 'I was looking at that one, it looks like a flower.'

Lily smiled.

'A lily.'

'Yeah, that's what I thought' said James quietly.

The comfortable silence settled again and it was a while before anything was said, until eventually James rolled onto his side and looked at her, a serious expression on his face.

'Where are you going for the summer?'

'Back home to my parents, why?'

James frowned anxiously.

'Will you be safe there?'

Lily looked him in the eye.

'I don't know, James, nobody knows who's safe anymore.'

James lay back on his back and gazed pensively at the sky.

'What are you planning to do?' She asked him.

'I want to look for my own place…'

Lily stared at him for a while, making sure she would never forget the features she had already memorized. His messy hair, his dark brown eyes, the shape of his face, the small scar above his lip from an old quidditch injury. She smiled at him. He was still staring at the sky. He casually put his arms behind his head.

'You should come with me…' He said.

Lily thought about this. It was appealing in many senses, but maybe they were too young, and this type of thing shouldn't be done without being thought through.

'Maybe, James.'

'Why maybe? Why not yes?' He questioned.

'I don't know,' sighed Lily, 'Its just I don't really want to leave my family alone.'

'Well, we both want to be aurors, if we get the NEWT's, we can assign them protection. You'll be leaving anyway after summer to train, so will I. It would be safer to stay together. I want us to stay together…'

He seemed to be thinking over what he just said. Lily knew he was worried about her, in fact he'd probably come and live in her muggle home if that was the only way he could stay with her, to protect her. It was sweet, thought Lily, although she was perfectly capable of protecting herself.

'Evans…' He said thoughtfully.

'I wish you'd stop calling me that.' Said Lily in exasperation.

'No…' he said almost wistfully, 'I was just thinking about the name.'

'What about it?'

'Potter's better.'

Lily scowled a little.

'You always have to beat me at everything, don't you? Even your bloody name is apparently better.'

James shook his head slowly.

'That's not what I meant…'

'What do you mean then?'

'I mean…' He seemed to be struggling to get the words out, 'Don't you prefer Potter?'

She shrugged, not really sure what he was getting at.

'They're just surnames, why does it matter?'

James closed his eyes in frustration.

'Lily, I'm trying to ask… very badly… if… if you would marry me?'

Lily was sure she'd misheard him. She shook her head; her ears must have deceived her.

'What?!'

'Will you marry me?' He repeated, nervously but clearly.

She tried to process the information. It was the stuff of her wildest dreams that she never actually expected to happen. But it had just happened, and she couldn't actually speak, so she answered in the only way she could.

She pounced on him with massive force for her small build and kissed him fiercely, half laughing, half crying.

'Mmph…! Should I… take that as… A yes?' said James sarcastically between kisses.

'Yes, Potter, you should.'

**And yes, I know they're only eighteen but it was in the middle of a war, and people were 'eloping left, right and centre' as Molly Weasley put it (centre 'cos I'm British! And we do things the wrong way round!) **


	9. Plans

**Hey guys, sorry I havent updated, I've had a fairly rubbish week, but some reviews would cheer me up! :)**

James sat in his parent's kitchen, sipping a butterbeer and watching the clouds move across the moon. Sirius had come to stay for the last summer he would be spending at his parent's house, and was currently asleep in the spare bedroom. His fiancée had gone home to explain their situation to her family and to put it lightly, he was worried.

The world was a dangerous place at the moment, especially for muggle borns, and while she was away on her own he couldn't relax. Not to mention the fact she was trying to convince her parents to let them get married at the young age of eighteen.

She had refused to let him go with her, saying she needed to deal with some things alone, and explaining somewhat exasperatedly that he couldn't be with her every minute of the day. He knew she was right, and smothering someone as fiery as Lily was never a good idea.

Sirius stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He grunted in acknowledgement as he saw James and joined him at the table.

'You know, one day you're going to actually get kidnapped by Voldemort and I'm just going to think you're moping over Lil…il….ily again.' He yawned.

He knew Sirius was getting irritated at waking up practically every night and seeing James' bed empty. It was a bit irrational of him to worry about death eater kidnappings, thought James, as they tended to kill everyone in the immediate area on sight, but in such times people often didn't think rationally anyway.

'Sorry, Padfoot, but you'd be the same.'

Sirius snorted.

'Part of the reason I'm not a fan of the whole 'serious relationship' thing'

James looked at him questioningly.

'What do you mean?'

Sirius looked at him with a sincerity that very few people had seen.

'You know me, Prongs, beneath the cocky attitude I really do worry about my mates... occasionally… a bit…. You're kinda like my family… sort of… y'know?' He said awkwardly.

'Aww… Padfoot! I never knew you to be so sentimental!'

Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

'Well, y'know, I mean you're like an annoying brother I always have to keep an eye out for you and it does my head in, mate!'

'Yeah I know.' Said James, also feeling awkward., 'In fact, Sirius, I was wondering if you would be my best man.' He asked hurriedly.

Sirius broke into a grin.

'Well I wouldn't expect you to ask anyone else, remember it was my amazing advice that landed you her in the first place.'

James grimaced.

'Stop Gloating!'

'As long as I don't have to be anywhere near Lily during the run up to the wedding, my answer's yes. That girl is terrifying when she's stressed.'

James laughed.

'You're telling me? I'm spending the rest of my life with her!'

'I always said you were insane.'

'Excuse me?' Said an angry voice.

Sirius and James jumped. Lily had just stepped out of the kitchen fire.

James and Sirius both hurriedly started mumbling apologies and avoided her gaze.

'Sorry Lils, it was just a joke…'

'We didn't mean it… just banter…'

'Don't curse us… slip of the tongue!'

'I love you!'

James looked at Sirius with confusion.

'Isn't that my line?'

'Oh right… sorry… got carried away… She scares me!'

They both turned towards Lily, who was bent over in silent giggles.

'Honestly you two, I'd think you'd learn to realise when I'm joking by now! But its always good value when you start stuttering like that.' She laughed.

Sirius scowled at her.

'Don't do that!'

'Whatever you say Sirius.' Said Lily, rolling her eyes.

James walked up to her, pulled her close and muttered into her ear.

'I missed you…'

'I know…' She whispered back.

'Ugh, couldn't you at least wait until I've gone back to bed to start vomiting love hearts and rainbows?'

'Shut up, Padfoot.' Said James, as he smiled at Lily.

Sirius snorted with derision and left the room.

'So what did they say?' Asked James.

'They're really happy for us, well… most of them. Tuney's not that pleased.'

'It's only 'cos she's jealous. I'm much better looking than that fat, sweaty kid she's dating.'

'His name is Vernon… and stop being so arrogant!'

'It's not arrogant, it's true. Even Crabbe is better looking than him.'

Lily giggled.

'Fine, you win.'

'That's a first.'

'Shut up.'

James grinned mischievously and closed the gap between them with a kiss.


	10. The Wedding

Lily was hyperventilating

Lily was hyperventilating. If anything else went wrong she was going to kill whoever was in the immediate vicinity. The ceremony was supposed to start in two hours and just about everything had been messed up. It was more than an already stressed bride should ever have to bear.

First off, their wedding planner had somehow got in the way of a bad confundus charm during a family argument and couldn't actually remember what she was supposed to be doing. Unfortunately, she had been too proud to say anything and tried to control everything anyway. This meant that somehow the blue and silver colour scheme had been turned irreversibly orange, and the White Lilies that Lily had especially chosen had been transfigured into pumpkins. The hall now looked like it was hosting a children's Halloween party.

What made it worse was that the so called 'Best Man' had drunk himself into a celebratory stupor the night before and was still unconscious. Not that she was surprised, she wouldn't have expected anything else of Sirius, but it still greatly irritated her.

The other issue was that her head bridesmaid, Alice Prewitt, had managed to contract dragon pox from an unknown source and had been quarantined.

Excellent. She stared into the mirror in her dressing room and was surprised that she didn't have smoke pouring from her ears. This was more stressful than a transfiguration NEWT, and she just wanted to scream.

'Er… Lily?' Said a voice apprehensively from the doorway.

It was Marlene, and she looked terrified.

'What?' Said Lily, with an attempt to stay calm.

'Petunia just left, she said she couldn't be a part of this.'

'Did she say why?!' Lily yelled as Marlene shrank away from her.

'Er… she…'

'Oh don't bother to make excuses; she couldn't stand being around 'freaks' could she?' Said Lily bitterly.

Marlene looked at her fearfully and left the room. Lily let out a shriek of frustration. That was it. She was at the end of her tether. This was a disaster. She had lost two of her three bridesmaids, the hall looked like a meeting place for the Chudley Cannon's fan club, and the best man was passed out on the floor.

She did the only thing she could think of to do. She took half of her and James two way mirror out of her purse (Sirius had given them the idea) and called him.

'James!' She almost sobbed.

'Hey, what's up?' Said James, looking totally relaxed.

She told him everything that had happened, half ranting, half crying, it actually helped just to vent some of her pent up frustration by rambling angrily at him.

'Hey, hey! Calm down!' Said James, and she could tell he was trying not to laugh.

'It's not funny! The hall has been turned _orange_! And for some reason we can't reverse it. There are pumpkins everywhere!'

James continued to chuckle.

'It is a little funny, Lils.'

'It's not!'

'Calm down,' said James again in a placating voice, 'in the end it doesn't really matter anyway.'

'Doesn't really mat…!' Lily started to shout.

'No, to be honest I don't care if the hall is orange or if Sirius vomits everywhere, I want to marry you today, not worry about colour schemes.'

Lily went quiet for a second, before admitting to herself he was right. She started to chuckle slightly. James grinned.

As it turned out, there was only one bridesmaid, the wedding planner got sent to Saint Mungo's for memory restoration, and Sirius threw up in the middle of the speech and the hall smelt faintly of pumpkin, but it was the best day of Lily's life.


	11. Pudding and Pickles

**Hey everyone! Well, I kind of think I should have put their wedding in this chapter, but I'd already done the 'I love you' and 'Proposal' chapters so I was feeling a bit 'overkill' on the luvvy duvvy ness, I'll probably add it here later, but I needed to write something a bit more light hearted. **

James awoke blearily and tried to focus on his wife, who had been shaking him roughly for the past few seconds.

'James! James! Get up!'

He blinked and reached for his glasses.

'Lils, what's wrong? Are you OK?' He asked with concern, rubbing his eyes.

'I'm fine, James it's just…'

Lily paused and chewed on her bottom lip. James looked at her impatiently. It was two in the morning, he just wanted to go back to sleep. He had quite a reputation for being disagreeable when he woke up, and Lily seemed to know she was treading a thin line.

'What is it?' He tried to say patiently, but he couldn't keep the bite of irritation out of his voice.

Lily's eyes started to fill with tears. Crap, thought James, bloody hormones.

'Oh it's… it's nothing James. J…just go back to sleep.' She sniffled, and rolled over.

James immediately felt horrifically guilty. It wasn't _her_ fault really, she couldn't help it. He touched her shoulder gently.

'No Lily, what do you want?' He asked gently.

She turned to him and he smiled at her, she smiled back.

'I'm really sorry about this James, but I really want, no, I _need_ muggle chocolate pudding.'

James looked at her, his heart sinking.

'But we don't have any muggle chocolate pudding.'

'I know… could you get me some? Please!' She said with her sweetest look, the one she knew he couldn't resist.

He sighed resignedly and began to get dressed.

'Where am I supposed to get it from!?' He asked exasperatedly.

'There's a muggle supermarket in the nest town. Its open twenty four hours… Thankyou James!' She grinned adorably.

'So I have to go to a muggle shop to buy muggle food with muggle money?' Said James in horror, as the enormity of the task struck him.

Lily smiled sweetly.

'Yes, because if you don't I will use one of my mood swings of doom on you again, and it might not be just your ears that need reattached this time.'

'I hate how much I love you sometimes.' Grumbled James.

'James…'

'What?' He said, prepared for the worst.

'Could you get me some pickles as well?'

James sighed.

'That better be one bloody amazing baby you're carrying.'

Lily giggled.

* * *

James found the shop and looked at it with great trepidation. Everything seemed so… what was the word? Electrical.

He walked up to it slowly, jumping slightly as a car drove past. He entered the shop and was terrified by how big it was. There were aisles and aisles of foodstuffs and he had no idea where to begin. Chocolate pudding? Where the hell would they keep chocolate pudding?

He wandered around for at least half an hour and didn't find anything, but the thought of asking for help was out of the question, he was an independent male! He thought of Lily at home waiting, and steadily getting more impatient. He gulped, when Lily's bad moods and raging hormones coincided, she was more terrifying than Voldemort on caffeine.

He finally found a large jar of pickles, but had still had no success with the chocolate pudding. He groaned.

A cheery shop assistant behind him heard him, and she immediately stood in front of him and said, in a voice that was way too happy for this time of the morning:

'May I help you, sir?'

James finally decided he had been beaten by the chocolate pudding and the muggle supermarket and nodded.

'Yeah, do you sell chocolate pudding?'

'Of course sir, it's right here in the dessert section!'

Oh, thought James, there were large signs above each aisle that he had failed to notice.

'Er, great.'

He finally proceeded to the checkout and passed his items to the assistant, who did something funny with a machine that clicked and buzzed, James watched in confused fascination.

'That will be seventy five pence, sir' said the shop assistant merrily. (A/N I know that's really cheap but it's 1980! And things were cheaper then)

James handed over a wad of muggle notes that Lily had kept, just in case, and noted that the shop assistant was looking at him rather strangely.

'Er… sir, its seventy five pence, not pounds.'

'Oh…' said James, not quite sure what she was getting at. The shop assistant seemed to notice his confusion and said:

'Just give me that coin, sir' indicating the coins that remained in James hand.

James handed it over, completely nonplussed. The muggle money system would never make sense to him. Paper was worth more than metal? How odd.

Finally he walked out of the shop with the pickles and pudding, and moved to a quiet area so he could apparate home.

When he arrived, Lily was waiting at the door. She took the food from him hurriedly and ran to the kitchen. James frowned. Did pregnancy really make you that desperate for weird food in the middle of the night?

He followed her into the kitchen, where Lily was dipping the pickles into the chocolate pudding and eating them hungrily with relish.

Yes, he supposed it did.


	12. Until the Very End

**Hey guys, sorry I havent updated in such a long time, combined factors of holidays (or vacations if your American!), messed up internet and attempting to sort out my love life! Lol. But I'm back with the final chapter, I hope you like it.**

**This is based on what happens at the end of DH, so beware, major spoilers ahead.**

Lily returned to conciousness, or had she fallen into unconciousness? She wasn't sure. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember how she had got here or indeed where she had come from. She felt like she was wandering through a half awake dream in her blurred subconciousness. She did not exist, but neither was she not there.

Her oddly detached mind became aware of other beings of similar stature standing next to her. Remus, Sirius and James. As she saw him, he smiled at her, and she knew that wherever she had been for that uncalculable amount of time, he had been there with her, and he was still with her now.

Her hand somehow found his. She had half expected her attempt to touch him to fail, and find him to have the consistency of smoke, but he was deceptively solid, and he clasped her hand tightly, the feeling comfortingly familiar.

She looked around and saw a figure before her. A figure that was somehow different from her and her friends. A person she hadn't seen in almost seventeen years, yet she knew who he was and somehow knew everything about him. She didn't question it or say anything; she just smiled a wide smile as his eyes met hers, the eyes he had inherited from her.

She walked slowly towards him, until she was very close. The desperate longing look in his eyes was almost too much for her to bear. She was staring at her son, and was too proud of him to put her feelings into words, so she continued to smile, and he continued to stare.

'You've been so brave.' She said quietly, meaning so much more than that but not being able to find the words.

He still did not speak, but his eyes said more than words ever could as he stared hungrily back at her, and still she continued to smile.

James joined them, and took her hand again. She saw him look at Harry with the same sad happiness as her, staring at their son who looked so much like him, and he finally managed to speak too.

'You are nearly there. Very close. We are… so proud of you.'

'Does it hurt?' Harry suddenly blurted out, and Lily's motherly impulses almost overtook her. She wanted to hold him, to make it all go away, but wasn't sure that in the form of whatever she was that she would be able to touch him, and it almost broke her heart to hear the fear in that small voice.

She was half aware that Sirius and Remus were talking, but she only had eyes for Harry, and forced herself to concentrate on his face, and the feel of James' hand in hers. There was no telling how long this would last or indeed if they would ever see each other again, as she couldn't seem to remember where she had come from, or if she had come from anywhere. So Lily merely stood, drinking in the moment, and letting others speak for now.

Harry spoke again, and she ingrained the memory of his voice in her memory.

'I didn't want you to die. Any of you. I'm sorry – right after you'd had your son, Remus, I'm sorry.'

That sentence, if possible, made Lily even more proud of him. He was so selfless, so brave, but so destructive, trying to deal with the whole world on his own so no one else got hurt.

'You'll stay with me?' Harry said quietly.

'Until the very end.' Said James, and Lily squeezed his hand. She loved them both so much.

'They won't be able to see you?'

'We are part of you, invisible to anyone else.' Said Sirius.

Lily didn't know how he knew that, but she knew it too. She was a part of Harry, and she always would be, but always as more than shadow or memory or ghost, somehow she was kept alive in him, she would never be truly dead.

He turned towards her and she smiled at him again, with love and encouragement and every other emotion she could put into it.

'Stay close to me,' He almost whispered, directly to her, and they set off to what would be.

And she always did stay close to him, from the beginning until the very end, and perhaps even further than that.


	13. Epilogue: Namesakes and Cloud Nine

**Hey ****guys! This chapter is written on request of Pippapear, who I'd like to thank for all her reviews and advice, hopefully she will get her fluffy epilogue! I was going to leave the story at the end of last chapter, but I'll see what an epilogue does to it, if you hate it I suppose you can pretend it isn't here! **

'Lily! That's mine!'

'I got it first!'

'So? It's still mine!'

'I wanna go!'

'No! You're a _girl_! Girls aren't allowed to play quidditch!'

'Mummy plays quidditch! She's better than _you_! Girls are better than boys! Everyone knows that!'

'Get off! Stupidhead!'

The tug of war over the toy broomstick continued, and began to escalate, the pair knocking things over and leaving a trail of destruction in their path.

'Anyway, _you're_ too young!'

'I'm six!'

'Well, I'm nine!'

'James! I wanna go!'

'No!' Said James, with an almighty heave, wrenching the broom from his sister's hands, causing her to fall forwards and skin her knees on the carpet.

'Ooow! MUUUUUM!'

'Shut up!' Shouted James, but it was too late, he could already hear the rapid steps of his mother as she marched up the stairs.

'_What_ are you two _doing?_!' Ginny thundered, 'I'm trying to make dinner downstairs! Can't I leave you alone for five minutes?!'

James opened his mouth to protest, but Lily got there first.

'Mum! Look what he did to… to… to meeee!' She whined through tears, showing her raw knees.

'Oh no, Lils!' Ginny said sympathetically as she picked her up.

'It was her fault!' retorted James angrily, 'She was trying to steal my broom!'

'James, don't be so rough with your sister, she's only little!' Scolded Ginny.

'But what about her! She took my broom! _My broom!_' Shouted James in outrage.

'Yes, so I've heard.' Replied Ginny drily, 'You need to learn to share, James.'

'No!' Said James crossly, folding his arms and sticking out his bottom lip defiantly, 'I'm not sharing anything with her. She _smells!_'

Ginny just sighed and rolled her eyes as she began to carry Lily downstairs.

'Mum, my knees are really sore… I don't think I can walk anymore… they're going to fall off!' She sniffed.

Ginny fought back the urge to laugh.

'Well, we can't let them fall off, Lils, you'll never be able to play quidditch then!'

Lily gasped in fear.

'What are we going to do, mummy?'

'Well, you'll have to be very brave… I'm going to have to do some very complex magic to stop your legs falling off.'

Lily's eyes were wide, 'What's complek magic, mummy?'

'Close your eyes,' whispered Ginny, and Lily complied.

'Episkey!' She said, pointing her wand at Lily's knees, the skin healed instantly.

'Wooow!'Said Lily in awe, as she jumped out of her mother's grasp, 'can I have a go on James' broom now?'

Ginny rolled her eyes, 'Yes, I suppose.'

And with that, Lily ran off. Ginny prepared herself, and mentally counted to five in her head and then, right on cue, there was a furious shout from upstairs.

'NO! MUM!'

'Let her have a go, James, for Merlin's sake, or I'll tell dad about this!'

There was a shout of glee from Lily, and then sure enough she heard James stomping down the stairs. He gave her an extremely dirty look as he passed her and walked resolutely towards the front door, which he opened and slammed with all his strength.

* * *

'They argue just like you two, don't they?' Said Sirius with amusement.

'Nah, they're better at insulting each other in my opinion,' Fred chipped in.

'Hey!' Said James, 'Lils and I aren't that bad for arguing!'

'Hah!' scoffed Moody, 'Sometimes I wish I still only had one ear when you two get going!'

'Oh shut it, mad-eye!' Scolded Lily, but she was smiling slightly.

'Yeah, remember that time in seventh year when James said Lily had the temperament of a hormonal Hungarian horntail?' Chortled Sirius.

'He really should check whose standing behind him before he says things like that!' Laughed Remus.

'I remember having to assist Madam Pomfrey in reattaching James ears; it really was a most extraordinary strength curse!' Chuckled Dumbledore.

'Thank you,' said Lily proudly, 'it certainly made him think twice before insulting me again.'

'I just make sure you're out of earshot now.' Muttered James.

'What was that?'

'Nothing dear!' James said meekly, and the group laughed.

Lily grinned and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. She smiled up at him.

'You're not really that scared of me are you?' she asked sweetly.

'Nah not really, I just know how you love your power trips.'

'Hey!'

James smirked at her and wiped the look of indignation of her face with a kiss.

'See, this is the problem… they're either yelling until they are hoarse or snogging each other senseless,' Remus muttered to Sirius, 'it gets very irritating.'

'Hey!' Said James, disengaging his tongue for a moment, 'You're one to talk! Remember when Tonks tripped over your foot, you spent an hour arguing over whose fault it was and then the next hour… er… 'making up'!'

'Oh shut up.'

James grinned triumphantly. 'Well, if you don't mind, I am going to continue what I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted.'

'Well, what if we do mind!?' Said Fred, crossing his arms and pulling a disapproving face that would do his mother proud.

'We couldn't care less.'


End file.
